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Literature Text
I gave Bailey his dreamflower and put mine on my tongue. "Like this." I saw him nod before the haze began.
Bailey was sweaty from the walk to the forest, but something else about his scent unnerved me. I turned to catch the smell better. The dust I kicked up settled on my ankles like ashes. Ashes – that's what I could smell. I pulled a face. He rumbled and the air pulsed from his direction.
"I didn't know you smoked," I said before remembering that he wouldn't hear the buzz in my throat. I thrust out a hand. His fine, sweat-soaked shirt felt like cheesecloth. I tugged it gently, pulling him forward. He lurched sideways and I nearly went into the bushes with him.
For a moment the pungent aroma of crushed herbs overwhelmed me, but presently I remembered the rest of the forest. Elbow-high dust swirls were settling. Bailey was even sweatier than before. Atticus had arrived: his horsey scent seemed heavy on the wind. We needed to move. I grabbed Bailey's arm and put his hand on my shoulder. His fingers wriggled like a nestful of baby mice until, presumably, he worked out where they were. I stepped back onto the dusty path. Bailey staggered and nearly overbalanced me, but he kept up.
Atticus was waiting under the wild apple tree.
Bailey was sweaty from the walk to the forest, but something else about his scent unnerved me. I turned to catch the smell better. The dust I kicked up settled on my ankles like ashes. Ashes – that's what I could smell. I pulled a face. He rumbled and the air pulsed from his direction.
"I didn't know you smoked," I said before remembering that he wouldn't hear the buzz in my throat. I thrust out a hand. His fine, sweat-soaked shirt felt like cheesecloth. I tugged it gently, pulling him forward. He lurched sideways and I nearly went into the bushes with him.
For a moment the pungent aroma of crushed herbs overwhelmed me, but presently I remembered the rest of the forest. Elbow-high dust swirls were settling. Bailey was even sweatier than before. Atticus had arrived: his horsey scent seemed heavy on the wind. We needed to move. I grabbed Bailey's arm and put his hand on my shoulder. His fingers wriggled like a nestful of baby mice until, presumably, he worked out where they were. I stepped back onto the dusty path. Bailey staggered and nearly overbalanced me, but he kept up.
Atticus was waiting under the wild apple tree.
For =oblivion00's #Writers-Workshop on distorted perceptions. Just under 250 words.
Excerpt from a longer piece. (For the curious, this forest is probably just outside Los Diablos. I think.
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If it wasn't clear from the excerpt, the dreamflowers distort/disable visual and auditory perception, while mildly enhancing touch and smell. (Most of this effect is probably just because there's nothing else to focus on, I think!) Monica (the narrator) is taking Bailey into the forest to meet her friend and mentor, Atticus. (That detail's not all in the excerpt, but hopefully there's enough to make sense!) The pleasure in the meeting has largely been distorted into frustration for both Bailey and Monica, though.
Excerpt from a longer piece. (For the curious, this forest is probably just outside Los Diablos. I think.
)If it wasn't clear from the excerpt, the dreamflowers distort/disable visual and auditory perception, while mildly enhancing touch and smell. (Most of this effect is probably just because there's nothing else to focus on, I think!) Monica (the narrator) is taking Bailey into the forest to meet her friend and mentor, Atticus. (That detail's not all in the excerpt, but hopefully there's enough to make sense!) The pleasure in the meeting has largely been distorted into frustration for both Bailey and Monica, though.
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I like this. Only the fact that names are used without explanation gives away the fact that it's an excerpt. There's some really intriguing ideas in here. What's the longer piece about?