ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
|-:-|
-31-
tree-shaped
hole in the sky:
silhouette
-30-
guard
at the pondside:
sapling
-29-
forgotten jewels
darkly gleaming
night sky
-28-
yellow roses and
soft white feathers
for a coward
-27-
cactus'
gnarled fingers
reach for a drink
-26-
deep red rose
from the thorns
a drop of blood
-25-
thrush in the window
fiercely attacks
thrush on the windowsill
-24-
bubbles of joy
rise like
children's laughter:
a prayer journal
of jokes for God.
-23-
children, grandchildren
gather in the church
to say farewell:
eight posies
atop the casket
-22-
'twixt dark night
and black earth,
a line of fire
-21-
slickly demonstrating
safety procedures:
flight attendant's dance
-20-
red pox
on a bright green bush:
summer blooms
-19-
unplanned symmetry:
the measured angle
is thirty degrees
-18-
petrified
Zen garden:
Tiger Eye
-17-
he said she said
the other said something
none of them recall
-16-
spots of rouge
on pale skin:
strawberries and cream
-15-
weathered boughs
trace their paths
through dense green leaves
-14-
feet over
hands over feet -
turning cartwheels
-13-
lip between teeth,
mallet poised over xylophone -
young soloist
-12-
words fly
like shooting stars
between friends
-11-
first steps:
stumbling then running
through haikuthon
-10-
cirrocumulus mimics
white tipped waves mimic
wisps of cloud
-9-
Knowledge
in motion
is beyond worth:
The teacher guides
a child's hand.
-8-
misty valley
is a white page:
the map's end
-7-
spacetime curves
like the mesh bin
in Physics class
-6-
first knowledge
from child's bookshelf:
colour spectrum
-5-
delicate vein network
tangles signals:
leaves in the phone line
-4-
strands stand alert
in a fibre forest -
beach towel
-3-
Seeking identity,
she meets childhood
and recalls bliss:
Chasing echoes
in backyard caverns.
-2-
heaps of leaves
in the garden
children leap
-1-
black branch
'fore the blood red moon:
hungry maw
|-:-|
-31-
tree-shaped
hole in the sky:
silhouette
-30-
guard
at the pondside:
sapling
-29-
forgotten jewels
darkly gleaming
night sky
-28-
yellow roses and
soft white feathers
for a coward
-27-
cactus'
gnarled fingers
reach for a drink
-26-
deep red rose
from the thorns
a drop of blood
-25-
thrush in the window
fiercely attacks
thrush on the windowsill
-24-
bubbles of joy
rise like
children's laughter:
a prayer journal
of jokes for God.
-23-
children, grandchildren
gather in the church
to say farewell:
eight posies
atop the casket
-22-
'twixt dark night
and black earth,
a line of fire
-21-
slickly demonstrating
safety procedures:
flight attendant's dance
-20-
red pox
on a bright green bush:
summer blooms
-19-
unplanned symmetry:
the measured angle
is thirty degrees
-18-
petrified
Zen garden:
Tiger Eye
-17-
he said she said
the other said something
none of them recall
-16-
spots of rouge
on pale skin:
strawberries and cream
-15-
weathered boughs
trace their paths
through dense green leaves
-14-
feet over
hands over feet -
turning cartwheels
-13-
lip between teeth,
mallet poised over xylophone -
young soloist
-12-
words fly
like shooting stars
between friends
-11-
first steps:
stumbling then running
through haikuthon
-10-
cirrocumulus mimics
white tipped waves mimic
wisps of cloud
-9-
Knowledge
in motion
is beyond worth:
The teacher guides
a child's hand.
-8-
misty valley
is a white page:
the map's end
-7-
spacetime curves
like the mesh bin
in Physics class
-6-
first knowledge
from child's bookshelf:
colour spectrum
-5-
delicate vein network
tangles signals:
leaves in the phone line
-4-
strands stand alert
in a fibre forest -
beach towel
-3-
Seeking identity,
she meets childhood
and recalls bliss:
Chasing echoes
in backyard caverns.
-2-
heaps of leaves
in the garden
children leap
-1-
black branch
'fore the blood red moon:
hungry maw
|-:-|
Suggested Collections
Featured in Groups
Complete! 
---
I'm going to collect all my haikuthon entries in this deviation to keep them orderly and unspammy. Thoughts and comments, are, of course, very welcome!
The haikuthon is hosted by #the-haiku-club.
My Commentary
(29) Not an extraordinarily original image, but I enjoyed playing with the pivot line.
(28)
I've done better.
(27) I had fun with this one.
(26) I actually quite like the pivot line here.
(25) They made a very persistent pair,
I'm thinking of entering this in the Winged Words contest.
(24) Teaching Sunday School can be so rewarding.
(23) For Grandpa. Don't think my words will ever say enough, but I had to try.
(22) Can you say "cliché"?
(21) More observation than poetry, perhaps. Meh.
(20) I quite like the pivot here. I think this one's better than other recent attempts.
(19) Technical drawing exam.
(18) Too short?
(17) Politics. I do not like.
(16) Inspired by the #ProjectComment contest. Strawberries and cream seems like a pretentious food to me; maybe because I didn't like it when I was small, but thought I ought to.
(15) I seem to have a thing about leaves.
Third time they've come up this month.
(13) A junior school girl played the xylophone solo at the senior school music concert.She was good, but looked very nervous!
(11) I think I might be getting the hang of this.
(9) The first three lines don't feel as succinct as they could be.
15/05 - better now, I think. I may well still edit it, though. Thanks again, =Itti.
(7) Spacetime probably doesn't curve exactly like a mesh bin, but there's a remarkable similarity between the bin and the textbook illustrations!
(3) First tanka. Much improved, I think, after a really helpful comment from =Itti!
(2) An attempt at using a pivot line. Not quite what I was aiming for, but it'll do.
---
I'm going to collect all my haikuthon entries in this deviation to keep them orderly and unspammy. Thoughts and comments, are, of course, very welcome!
The haikuthon is hosted by #the-haiku-club.
My Commentary
(29) Not an extraordinarily original image, but I enjoyed playing with the pivot line.
(28)
I've done better.(27) I had fun with this one.
(26) I actually quite like the pivot line here.
(25) They made a very persistent pair,
I'm thinking of entering this in the Winged Words contest.(24) Teaching Sunday School can be so rewarding.
(23) For Grandpa. Don't think my words will ever say enough, but I had to try.
(22) Can you say "cliché"?
(21) More observation than poetry, perhaps. Meh.
(20) I quite like the pivot here. I think this one's better than other recent attempts.
(19) Technical drawing exam.
(18) Too short?
(17) Politics. I do not like.
(16) Inspired by the #ProjectComment contest. Strawberries and cream seems like a pretentious food to me; maybe because I didn't like it when I was small, but thought I ought to.
(15) I seem to have a thing about leaves.
Third time they've come up this month.(13) A junior school girl played the xylophone solo at the senior school music concert.She was good, but looked very nervous!
(11) I think I might be getting the hang of this.
(9) The first three lines don't feel as succinct as they could be.
15/05 - better now, I think. I may well still edit it, though. Thanks again, =Itti.(7) Spacetime probably doesn't curve exactly like a mesh bin, but there's a remarkable similarity between the bin and the textbook illustrations!
(3) First tanka.
Much improved, I think, after a really helpful comment from =Itti!(2) An attempt at using a pivot line. Not quite what I was aiming for, but it'll do.
© 2010 - 2024 PaperDart
Comments59
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
I read the entire poem before reading your description, and I thought it was beautiful. I was however, rather confused. Once I read your description, however, everything made sense and I feel all clear about it now. I like your originality and the direction you chose to take this - I like the unusual (as far as English goes) format you used for this Haiku. It was more true to a more traditional and authentic format. Great job on that.
My favorite stanzas were 17 and 28 because they speak such truths that one does not often notice. I love the reference to the flight attendant.
Stanzas 7 and 8 I thought might be a tad out of place, as if they might have needed to be placed somewhere else in the poem. Perhaps this is just my thinking, but the piece could have moved directly from stanza 6 to stanza 9 and without having suffered any losses.
Beautiful work. The themes of life and life's phases were very present, and very well thought out.
My favorite stanzas were 17 and 28 because they speak such truths that one does not often notice. I love the reference to the flight attendant.
Stanzas 7 and 8 I thought might be a tad out of place, as if they might have needed to be placed somewhere else in the poem. Perhaps this is just my thinking, but the piece could have moved directly from stanza 6 to stanza 9 and without having suffered any losses.
Beautiful work. The themes of life and life's phases were very present, and very well thought out.